What habit(s), character(s), or anything did you think ruined your relationship with your spouse or exes? And on whose side was the fault noticed?
I’m not married yet, but I have heard or possibly seen some differences in intending couples putting them apart. For instance, I was there when a couple about to wed came to meet my grandpa after a ‘fighting session’ among themselves over one of the most silliest, and unreal situation. Pressing a toothpaste from the middle.
It happened that the husband wants toothpaste to be pressed from the bottom-up but the wife just doesn’t care where it gets pressed from. Infact, she presses hers from the middle or even at the top, most times. This apparently angered her husband who has warned her several times to do it his own way. The lady was care-free, and who would have ever thought that a very simple case like that would make uncle go mad, even to the extent of beating his wife, and ultimately ruining their coming marriage. Well, for whatever it was, it was an eye opener for the woman who would not want to be turned to a punching bag when she eventually moves in with him finally.
I lived with my grandpa, since I knew what life is, or that I needed oxygen to live. And he happens to be a pastor, a very good one at that, and I learned so many things from him. If possible, I’d show him this post to remind him about that young couple of yesteryears that never was. So fast-forward to the event itself. It was on a Sunday morning and both couples were preparing for church (They were not attending our church but just our next door neighbour). Whilst both of them were preparing to take their bath, then the evil lurking around them surfaced. The wife went first to use the toothpaste and did the usual: she pressed the toothpaste from the top. Then uncle was about using the paste himself and got infuriated when he saw that. He immediately called her out to inform her about her non-challance; the umpteenth time, as he later made us knew. The lady, not moved by such silly call just waved off the call and told him to just do the needful; what he needed to do. Uncle got angry. He has been ‘cleaning her mess’, like he said, all these while whilst she kept doing it again and again, and he wouldn’t do that this one time till she learns to do things ‘the normal way’. He waited for her to finish bathing so she can ‘right her wrong’.
I have seen the most little things cause great damage in marriages. Heck, I was my grandpa’s handbag and P.A, and although I usually wasn’t around during his discussions with people, I get to later know from the people themselves about issues facing their relationship. I once became an adviser to a married couple when I was sixteen, and no experience, save for my ‘sitting experience’ with talks I and my grandpa had. So I knew a lot of things.
To cut the long story short, the uncle and aunt gave themselves a powerful Sunday beating, until my grandpa came to the rescue. He counselled both couples, prayed with them and made sure all was well before he dashed to his own church for the day’s programme. Uncle and and aunt couldn’t go to church again, since there was nothing to do than to settle scores. Auntie’s parents and siblings came and fought uncle, calling him names, and putting it in his face that they would never allow both of them to marry even if the lady is so love-struck that love has blinded her both eyes. They made for their home with their daughter, and that was the last we ever had about both of them together. Uncle married to another woman two years’ later, but their seemingly perfect relationship was cut short in the wake of its beginning because of some funny, silly toothpaste!
This is a very good question and the best I have seen from any Nigerian site on the internet. I want to share my own experience but I want to keep my identity anonymous, so I created this account to keep me safe. Who wouldn’t, lol? Our community is such a crazy one that you can be victimized for running away from an abusive relationship. You’d be seen as devilish and devil incarnate if you cannot keep your own home, like they would say. So let me share my story with you.
I told my husband I didn’t want to have sex one night. I don’t remember why…
He started yelling and chased me into the sitting room. I was trapped.
He spat in my face.
I stood still, frozen. And then, I ran past him. I tried to run fast but he caught me. He threw me to the floor and dragged me by my hair to the door leading to our bedroom.
I remained quiet, I didn’t want to wake our baby.
My husband put his hands around my neck and began to choke me.
I looked into his eyes. I saw fury. I thought, “If I die, who will raise my sweet baby?”
A calm came over my his face. He got up and left the house.
I packed a small bag, grabbed my son, and moved to a nearby church around us. It was a Friday and they were having a vigil. I called my parents the next day and they sent some money for my transport to their house. The next morning I left my husband.
I walked into freedom, life, safety, serenity, and security.
No one has ever put their hands on me since that night.
Advice to ladies: If he hits you once, he’ll do it again. If he hits you, leave! Do not hesitate, LEAVE!!! AT ONCE!
What! This is barbaric! Almost feeling the pain and anguish you felt that day. Glad you left, anyways. And this is how many years now? And how old is your boy now? Just being curious to know.
And did you ever felt, at one time or another, to go back to your husband? And I think you are a very strong woman in this our Nigeria to have done that. I’m sure that’s not the only time he abused you. Or is it?
Thank you for being so human to understand how I felt that night. It wasn’t the first time he had abused me in the relationship. It just was the last time I was going to take any of his sh*t.
He had raped me before, one when we just got married and the other after I just gave birth. The second time was more painful because it was anal. I had dragged with him against raping me but when he got his way, I didn’t want to cause more damage to myself. My baby was just 6 weeks old then. I can tell you of other abuses I got in that godforsaken marriage but I thank God I’m now past it. I wish his silly as* a very comfortable place in hell to burn. Satan has got to fry his balls.
And it’s now six years I left him. My boy is now 7. He is in Basic 3 now and doing great. Thanks for asking.
p.s: I’d have loved to share a picture of myself and my boy but that defeats the reason I’m going anonymous.
Seriously? This is funny and unreal at the same time. But I have seen and heard of more unreal stories splitting up couples and ruining their relationship before. So I believe you bro.
@keepmesafe, your story is a very sorry one. Please accept my apology for bringing up this post to remind you of your horror days. I am glad to see you decided to think for yourself by getting yourself out of harm’s way. This is commendable. And what steps did you take to make sure your husband never resurfaces again in your life? Like coming to claim his son? Please know that he’s not a father because no real father would treat the mother of his child like that. He treated you like a filth when he is the trash himself. Sometimes I just wish I have some super powers and this is one of such times I wish I have the power to mete out justice instantly. I’d send him to hell or send him to crash forever in this helicopter . Silly man!
I can really feel your pains, believe me!
Glad to know your boy has grown so big. A 7 year old boy is a big guy now, you know? My regards to him.
And on the anonymous part, we have a feature for keeping you anonymous on our community, although I have disabled it. We are not that much yet, so I thought it wouldn’t make sense enabling a feature like that. Maybe I will enable it one of these days, if I see a reason to, apart from the discussion we are already having here.
Deeply moved by this. Never knew you passed through this, madam.
I pray God heals your heart and be with your baby boy. Trust he’s fine, huh?