What did you learn too late in your life?

I have lived long enough in this life to understand so many things, and many of the things I now know, I didn’t know them 10, 15 or even 20 years ago. So it happens that we learn as each day progresses in life. So, what are the lessons you learned too late in life? Let us know. I’ll go first:

  1. You can’t change anybody to love you: I learned this one when I got married to my beastly husband. The red flag has been there before marriage that the idiot really didn’t love me, but we forced love on ourselves, and you know what happened! A ruined relationship packed with several cases of domestic violence that anyone could ever think of! Well in learning my lessons, I took to my heels to save my soul and that of my kid. Well, I now know today not to love someone who doesn’t love me back!

  2. Don’t lend your friends money you cannot afford to lose: This is actually for friendship case. If your friend fails to refund your money on time; especially when you need it most and it has passed the deadline he/she gave you when borrowing, it will cause big issues between you both. And even if that’s not the case and your money gets refunded earlier, you will still have to fall into other issues with the same friend as regards money.

  3. You can’t teach an old dog a new trick: This point is actually related to my first point, but I’ll use another explanation for this. In 2016, I took my then husband to one of his family members who is the only one who believed in our marriage from his side to help speak with him and proffer solutions to the issues we had in our marriage. The man gave some valid points and steps for him to follow, but being who he is, he couldn’t do what was needed of him to keep his home. And as at then, I was working to feed the family while he brings little to no money home at all. The lesson been that even though his uncle wanted to help him with modern methods of keeping a home, he preferred to do it the egomaniac and patriachial way. He lost me and his boy forever. Let me also add that he remarried when I left. I just heard about a month ago that the new woman has also left him to his silly self.

These are some key lessons I learned too late in life but I was happy to have learned them and survived. What are yours?

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Lovely question, sis. I learned a lot from your story and I will share mine with you too.

These experiences I’m going to share are my personal experience that have made me smarter. Let’s go:

  1. You’re not too young to love or be loved: Let me just re-phrase this a bit to “No one is too young or too old to love and be loved”. How did I learn this lesson?
    In my second year in the university, I had a lover who was about 15 years older than me or even 20. It happened that he was once married but his wife died in an accident that happened on the Lagos/Ibadan road then. They had just given birth then, so she died along with their baby. Didn’t know if it was a boy or girl. He (let me just call him Uncle) told me about the incident, and explained he’d be looking to remarry again and this time, to someone that looks like his wife: me. God knows I was dead scared! :roll_eyes::roll_eyes:. As at then, I was still very young in the university and had young bloods ‘toasting’ me everywhere, so why should I decide to marry a man almost as old as my own dad? it was not going to happen.

Fast forward to some time later, the man kept disturbing me, and truth be told, I was almost falling for him, and if he had persisted maybe a little bit more, I could have been his wife, but no. He committed suicide. Uncle killed himself! Truly, I loved this man. Even at his age, he was good-looking, macho, tall with a kind of look that makes you feel warmth instantly. He should be somewhere within 42-47 age grade, so he was starting to have white hairs on is head which was pissing me off initially, but as time went on, I even loved those white hairs. The man became the man of my dreams in an instant, and when I had thought I would give him the chance, he ended it all up himself. Only God knows how I felt when I heard his death. I can’t really pin-point the main reason why he killed himself, but I felt it was due partly to my rejection of him but there were rumours around that it was actually murder that was made to look like suicide. He was a successful man that did many big projects/contracts around UI then. So many people believed he was murdered by some of his competitors who couldn’t bear his successes and had to ‘remove’ him from the equation. But for whatever it was, I was so sad and mad at myself for not giving the man a chance to love before he died. Well, I did loved him, too. Rest in peace, sir. :pray:

  1. Be free to say how you feel: Especially in love or out of love, always be free to tell your partner how you feel. If I had told Uncle how I felt later about him that I loved him, maybe he wouldn’t have committed suicide (If it was suicide that he committed, since that was what people saw). And even if the suicide did happen, I won’t have to blame myself for not telling him how I felt before he died. I would immediately know he didn’t ‘kill’ himself because he was trying to get me, so the shame and guilt I felt then would not have happened, although I would become shattered hearing about his death. It took me a whole month to get his death out of my mind!

I will add other lessons I learned in life later when my head cools down :sob:

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You have both gone through a lot in life, and I admire your strength and courage. Well, should I say I’ve learnt a whole bunch from what you both put up there? And, as is the custom, let me add my 2 pounds to the question at hand.

The first thing I learned too late in life is that religion does not equate to righteousness. And yes, I mean it!

After being tutored by my Grandpa who is a pastor, I went all out by myself to know more about the religion he handed to me, but the more I tried to be righteous through the religion, the more I know religion itself is a scam. God is NOT religious! And it is one thing my Grandpa also preaches. Believe me today: My grandpa has read enough Quran, as he has the Bible, in a bid to let people know God doesn’t reside in religion. He is a spirit, and many of the religious rites we do do not get to Him! This is the first and the best lesson I learned too late in my life. But bless Heavens, I now know better.

Secondly, social skills. My social skills used to be very poor! And funniest thing is I could speak and talk for Africa (No pun intended!); no wonder this community is Talk with Africans :smiley:, abi? Maybe that’s just an aspect to prove to you that I could talk from now till His kingdom come! But at what? And for what? Nothing! I had no social skills, so I hardly made friends, and was hardly approachable until I got it all figured out. My first way to make myself sociable is to walk up to any stranger and appreciate them or initiate a conversation around sports which I try to stop as early as I start when the other person is not a Chelsea fan, because argument on first meeting is NOT good to build an impression about yourself. So, in any way, I just make us agree to some nice discussions around your own interests, and then we build it from there. That’s how I was able to get myself over fifty friends this year alone!

Thirdly, books! A Day doesn’t go by without me touching and romancing a book. Just didn’t write it as part of my diary, because it is already a part of me, so it doesn’t feature in my everyday chronicle of life events, although it is.

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Men, reading through the posts here opened my eyes really. I’m really learning from y’all. And since I’m still young :wink:, I’ve not had bad experiences I can learn from. My only contribution here would be to take notes :spiral_notepad:

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